what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I skipped work to stalk him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
