...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
