you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
