i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
