They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
