i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
