i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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