i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize