I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
