I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
