You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
