Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
