i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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