u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
