Duck Duck Cougar?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
