MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
