are you still at the devil's house?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
