i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
