oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
