I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
its liver damage thursday
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
