He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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