We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
