I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
