Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
