he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
