So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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