I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
