Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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