yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
