i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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