And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
