I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
