I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
