Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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