I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
