I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was so not down for the gang bang
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
