I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
