so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
