Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
