around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
wow bdsm is so cute
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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