i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she peed on how many people?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
