You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
