put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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