I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
