So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just gift wrapped bread.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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