I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
