Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
