Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
