I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
