Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize