Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
