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Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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