either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
