at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
