I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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