great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
