If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can text with my tongue
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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