New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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