I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
